Through these 23 years (An unexpected journey)

5 minutes of solitude for a woman = a 1000 phrase thought process starting from "I love this day" to "is there really an afterlife?" and "do I have psychic powers?” When I was a toddler, my to-do list included- eat, play, color, try to talk a few more words, sleep. There were not many expectations from self and life was a lot easier then, indeed. I have grown to learn too many things of which some facts are still trying to make sense and failing in the process. There are so many instances I would like to quote here and the typical "me" is trying to arrange them in logical order hoping to succeed in the attempt. During school days all that people expected out of me was good grades, I then thought may be that was my expectation from self too. I hence have an outstanding academic record right from my first score card. The following is “me”, since then..

I plan to finish high school and get into fine arts. I plan things one step after the other, meet people, speak my mind and refine my plan. This has so many iterations until I think I have the perfect plan, finally! then the next day when I wake up I find myself jumping into a completely different field, willingly with 100% acceptance and the perfect plan that I made yesterday with so much efforts seems completely pointless now!!! And the best part is I am not regretting it at all. Then I complete the course that I took up and also pursue my fine arts passion as a hobby and keep at it, loving the balance that I am able to keep with the two varied genres of my interests. I then plan to become financially stable. Now, this plan demands a hell lot of points on my to-do list. I get into a job which is neither related to my hobby nor my field of study. Yet I seem to be happy since the current plan needs money as an obvious input and my job was giving me that. I tick the first few points off the to do list with a lot of enthusiasm and one fine day I take time and go through the list to only find it jarringly insane because it, in no way seems to be making me any happier as money doesn’t seem to be buying smiles and satisfaction. There goes down one more plan and the next thing I know is I quit my job and try to learn a little more about what I want in life. Now, I make multiple plans and execute none till I analyze it and make sure I want to really reach where the plan leads me to. This journey seems to have so many ups and downs yet I find such surprises thrilling and exciting, for life would lose its charm if all plans work and it would become so very predictable as to what or who awaits our arrival tomorrow. That is no fun! At times I fall into pits and before I raise and move forward I make sure I close the pit so that it doesn’t trap another "me". That act gives me happiness (for now). At times I encounter a beautiful paradise, which I know is a very short stretch that am sure to cross in a bit, but I make sure I enjoy the "now" of then. I find fine souls, dumb minds, brilliant fellow travelers, anonymous helpers, loving acquaintances, the villain critics, the truly helpful critics, amazing artists, admirable heroes, crazy jokers, emotional jerks, enthralling sceneries, encouraging journeys and inspiring thoughts along every step I take. However, the question of where this journey is taking me still remains a mystery.