The benefit of the doubt

I wonder how much time in life I have lost talking about what he/she did wrong and how he/she could have done it better or by arguing with someone just because I needed to be right at that moment. Everyone has problems, and everyone has their own way of dealing with it. Some people need support and suggestion and some others don’t. I hear some people say when you listen to someone’s problems, imagine yourself in their shoes and that is the key to empathy. I would say don’t even try. You have no clue what the other person is going through! Having this mindset means you are respecting their problem. Trying to be in that person’s place will make things worse for you and for him/her. Instead, listen whole heartedly to what the other person has to say. Learn not to overpower their problems by stating yours. Try not to judge them right away. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Of course, give sensible suggestions and opinions later if they are open to listening them.

We tend to get upset with people and their actions so easily. Every one of us is trying to be the best version of ourselves in this career driven world and in the process, we often forget that the person we are upset with, is trying to do the same thing. It is going to become highly impossible to even coexist if we lose our capability to listen, if we are looking for evidence and reasons all the time, if we are consciously complaining just to “feel better”.

Every person is different- their purpose in life, their ambitions, principles, their expectations from relationships, their expectation from themselves are all different as is their perspective and priorities. All we need to learn is to acknowledge these differences. It is amazing to know how capable we are of controlling our thoughts and emotions. The more we practice changing things that are in our control: our thoughts and actions;

and worrying less about the things that we cannot change: the other person’s thoughts and actions; the closer we are to being contended in life. If you are angry on someone or upset with someone or disappointed in someone, take a moment to trace why! What expectations led to these unpleasant emotions? Even if the emotions indicate that the other person did the wrong thing, investigate yourself for a moment, give them the benefit of the doubt.

Every situation is not a win/lose, but it could be a learn-live. This is completely under our control and that is the most amazing skill that human beings have ever possessed. We have the abilities to learn to control the stimulus-response cycle of our emotional reactions and it would be very unjust not to use such an amazing skill!

#benefitofdoubt #self